When You Hear Aunt Flo Pull Up in the Driveway

It's always that time of the month to talk about that time of the month! If you've read No Fail Fat Burning for Women  you know --  in probably way too much detail -- about the dysfunctional relationship I've had with the limb on my family tree all females share sometime in our lives:

AUNT F-ING FLO

This is how our collective Aunt Flo appears in my nightmares.

What a bee-otch. I went from having no periods as a college athlete with very little body fat, to the Red Sea runneth over once things normalized, to fetal position with chunks of flesh falling out of me, endometriosis, PCOS, laproscopy, six months of medical menopause having my ovaries shut down with huge hormone injections in the butt cheek, to a buffet of body-whacking birth control. All before 25.  None of this worked. Surprise, surprise! 

My PMS and actual period only afforded me two weeks a month to enjoy life like a stable person. Then there's a week of emotional roller coasting that goes nicely with emotional eating. It derails all the good work I did before my monthly visitor turned me into a pod person. Obviously, I know hundreds of you relate because this is one of the most common questions I get:

I do great with nutrition and eating until PMS kicks in. What do I do?

I'm going to tell you what I found that finally worked for me. My PMS is there but it sooooooo doesn't own me or run my emotions anymore. My cycle has gone from seven days of bloodbath to three days of steadiness and actually being able to walk upright.  This info is in the book but for some reason you ladies are skipping that page, so let me paste an excerpt of the main gist here for your free PMS reading pleasure:

"Besides the physical ailments that come along with our periods, there are psychological ones at play. Sometimes depression, brain fog, breast tenderness, radical mood swings, cravings, irritability, and extreme fatigue takeover. The first thing to do is understand that this is not YOU but a biological process of your body. Meditation really helps me with this. There are some excellent guided meditations on iTunes called Meditation Oasis.   I also listen to Tara Brach’s Radical Acceptance podcasts and meditations.

I digress. These symptoms of PMS signaling our pending menstruation are triggered by increased estrogen in our bodies.  When it comes down to it, it’s basically a regularly scheduled hormone imbalance. Things that make managing the estrogen level worse:

·       Sugar

·       Dairy

·       Alcohol

·       Gluten

These are the Four Horsemen of a Homocidal Period. Some research says caffeine contributes to it but not for me. I think it’s because I’m not adding pasteurized, hormone-whacking creamer or sugar into my coffee. You be the judge for you.

In addition to avoiding the Four Hoursemen of a Homocidal Period (which you should be doing anyway), here’s what will help you become BFF’s with your Aunt Flo:

·       Increase your Vitamin D3 intake during your first signs of PMS. Get your blood levels tested and check with your doctor about dosage.

·       Supplement with Magnesium. Among other things, it reduces the severity of cramps.

·       At least 500mg of B-6 daily and grassfed only organ meats

·       ½ to 1tsp of pink salt in warm water every morning or as fatigue indicates

·       Eat more soft boiled or over-easy pastured egg yolks

·       Move your body more. If it’s not your workout day, choose active resting like a walk or bike ride. Get the lymphatic system moving.

·       Add safe starches. This is why I don’t want you to start the ten-day carb depletion during PMS or your period. If you’re really feeling in the crapper, add the approved safe starches to your meals AT NIGHT. This is not license to gorge but do it until your body feels better.

·       Up your fish oils.

·       Allow yourself extra sleep."

Did you notice I did some fancy highlighting and underlining of the third-to-last bullet point? This is key. Being in a state of deep ketosis might rock the fat burning party for men. But those lucky testicle-swinging-testosterone-pumping lads, they don't turn into an ocean of estrogen every month. Most of them can do a re-feed of refined carbs every night and burn fat in spite of it. Not us, Union of Uterus Sorority Sisters.  Don't be afraid of your safe starches the week before your period.

Follow the No Fail Fat Burning program, get the hormones back to sanity-land, experiment with the PMS hack I suggest above. You should see serious improvement within a couple cycles. I truly believe one of the cornerstones to what ails us starts in the kitchen.

For those of you who have been on the program for a while who are pre- and post-menopausal, I'd love to hear your stories on what the impact has been. Have a great weekend everyone!